Alright time to get real... my stomach is doing flips from some weird food, my bed is hard as a rock (even with the comforter as a pillowtop), there was a roach the size of a golf ball in my bathroom and fire ants marching across the bathtub, the internet is down, the students are giving me hell and all I can think is how badly I wish I could trade places with them, the water only works on occassion, I feel totally underqualified for this job and I'M LONELY!
I had to just get that out there because I don't want you to think it's all poetry and light. I wouldn't want to lie and say the transformation of minds is simple or beautiful. Change is difficult. We struggle against the new even as it unfolds before us everpresent. I try to go breath to breath, moment to moment, but sometimes the air is suffocating, sometimes it gets caught in the lump in my throat (a lump of fear, regret, sadness, suffering), sometimes it's all just reflex and awareness jumps out of the mind like the spiders on my bedside table. It's all happening. The bittersweet of the moment. The pain and delight of choice.
The now. The now. The now.
4 comments:
and then there is all the stuff that doesn't work.
Ugggh. I get it and yet you seem to be able to se yourself seeing it. Reframing. That's a gift and an access to truth. You are on a roller coaster. And you are also seeing the ride from a deeper perspective. I've have been working on 'peaceful' as in giving up the interpretation that there is something wrong here. That's a challenge and I am into adding courageous as in "acknowledging fear being with it and through it and then taking action." I am old and learning this and you are young and doing it. Let's talk.
Okay, send the bed size and I'll send you a good foam rubber pad AND a pillow top mattress cover and cans of raid. this is a difficult challenge for you and you are up to it I am sure. You are more than qualified. xoxoxo
Oh Eve-la. That was beautiful. Except for the roach part, but beautiful and raw. Life is like that.
I hear ya girl. . .
As fun as the adventure is, there is the nostalgia for comforts of home. Living abroad is difficult, and the accomplishment of riding the waves is deeply worth it. Embrace the details of beauty that make you smile. You are qualified, brilliant, and the perfect person for the position.
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